How Acquaintance Rape Awakened My Gay Life

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I'm gay living in Kampala city known as the heart of Uganda. I got to know that I'm sure gay at age 16 when my cousin (aged 22) started talking about his relationship with his girlfriend and asked me about mine. I said I don't have any girlfriend and he questioned my approach towards girls and many other things after a brainstorming cross questioning we came to the conclusion that I might be ready when I turn 18 or 20 something. 

After someday, he again came to our house but this time nobody was there at home. He asked if there was anybody at home and I said no. We were talking about usual things and watching a movie on TV and suddenly a condom ad popped up with a lady. My cousin said that this lady is extremely sexy and he went to the bathroom. I heard some awkward sounds from the bathroom and headed to see what was happening. The door was open and my cousin was masturbating. I asked him what is this because I didn't know masturbation at that time. He told me that I shouldn't bother about this thing because I'm too young. I insisted on him and his mood was getting very upset. He closed the door after slapping me and I went to my room. 

He then came to my room without his pants wearing only underwear and asked me to strip myself. I refused to strip and tried to run but he locked the door and insisted I strip naked. I didn't agree but he started abusing me that I'm gay and was interfering too much when he was in the bathroom. He was uttering very bad words and threatened me to strip again. I requested him politely that I can't and I'm sorry for interfering with his bathroom actions. He was very angry and hadn't listened to me and forcefully stripped me naked. I was very embarrassed and shivering with fear. I asked him to let me go after being stripped naked because I completed the punishment but he tied my hands and mouth and at this moment I got to know that something is going very bad. He himself stripped and forcefully had sex with me. 

I started crying and told my parents about the incident when they came. My parents inquired about the incident with my cousin and I don't know what he said but my parents reported it to the police after a few weeks he was released on police bond, and since then, the case disappeared. After some more years precisely at age 20, I understood that I'm gay.

Where I stay, society treats you very badly when you are gay or suspicious of being gay. I think I've to fly from my country to live a dignified life otherwise I will be continued to be treated like a social disgrace, persecuted, and disrespected forever.

I do regret being raped by my cousin but I'm glad he awakened my sexuality.